Monday, August 12, 2013

Once upon a time...

Hopefully, one day I will not remember just how frazzled, tired, and overwhelmed I feel right now.  For the last month I have had VERY little, if any time to myself.  Meaning, for almost every waking hour of the day I have been with one child or the other unless I am going to the bathroom.  Very little time for decompressing, very little time for anything.  I am trudging along, trying to remember that this is just a season and it will pass.  I luckily have two wonderful and happy children.  I have a lot to be thankful for.  I know this.  I also know that at times I am honestly tired.

Lately, Kinley has been VERY difficult to get to sleep.  She is overtired most of the time because of this, and then it is EVEN harder to get her to sleep.  It is incredibly saddening to know that all she needs is sleep, yet, is not getting it.  She is a child that needs her routine, and lately, that has been hard to accomplish.  We, er, I definitely pay for it when that happens.  I love her.  I love cuddling her.  I love to be with her.  But I also NEED to have a few minutes to regroup every day, and I have not been getting that.  I feel like a failure.  Everyone has suggestions, and that gets frustrating as well.  I have thought of all the scenarios. This is my job, literally and figuratively.  I spend my "working" days helping parents with all sorts of issues, and sleep has definitely been one of them.  I have read all the books.  I know all the "answers".  I also know that some of those answers are not for me.  I will not let her cry it out.  I have tried to let her cry for a bit to see if she can fall asleep, but often she will just scream and get louder and louder.  Then I feel guilty.

I have started so many blog posts, but have not finished them.  I have started to do laundry, but it never makes it out of the basket and into the appropriate places.  I do the minimum.  I tidy.  I cook.  I do dishes.  I sometimes get dressed.  I sometimes get a shower.  I sleep at night (thankfully, she will sleep through the night once we get to that point).  That is about all that happens.  I am tired.  I am overwhelmed.  I will get through this.  It will pass.  I just hope that one day, I only remember her adorable smile, how wonderfully she is developing, and forget the slump we have been in.


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