Friday, August 23, 2013

life, death, ying, yang

So, my grandfather (my mother's father) passed away the week before last.  I have attended a total of three funerals in my life, and two were for my grandfathers, and the other for my husband's grandfather.  The first I attended was very difficult, and now after being to a few-this last was a bit easier.  I know that may sound strange.  I have always had this weird (or natural) fear of death.  I still do.  Maybe, it is more a fear of not being done living yet.  I feel that I still have so much more to see and do. This feeling has only increased since I have had children.  Anyhoo...the funeral was...interesting...drama ensued, as I am sure is fairly normal, yet, it makes me happy to have grown up far away from some of my family.  Somehow we survived two three hour drives, a night in a hotel room with two beds and five people, a funeral, missed naptimes, and much more.  My mom flew in for the funeral; though it was a sad time, it was an unexpected visit and therefore a gift.  Herein lies the ying and the yang.

It was of course a sad occasion, but such a wonderful time to spend with my mom.  I have not been working this month, so we were without the restraints of a work schedule or any other obligations.  We just got to spend time together.  We played, we walked, we drank wine.  It was lovely, and sad.

I am just reminded even more so, to be thankful for the moments we have with the ones we love, because like everything these moments are fleeting.  It sound cliche, but it is true.  Time goes so quickly, especially as you get older.  Even tonight as we were enjoying the warm weather outside-running through sprinklers, and playing outside-Caleb sat down and looked at me and said, "Mom, it's fall."  I told him that we still had a bit of summer left, but he responded, "the leaves are falling".  I was reminded that I did see a tree with leaves changing colors a few days ago as well.  So, I guess fall is coming.  Then winter, then....well, you get the idea.  Too fast.  So, tonight, as I drink my glass of wine and listen to two monitors while blogging and watching "The Big Bang Theory", I try to savor this moment.  This fleeting moment.  Before I know it (2 days to be exact) I will be working full time again, both kids will be in daycare, and I will not be able to be there for all the moments.  I will miss it incredibly.

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