Sunday, April 14, 2013

One Month

Dearest Kinley,

You are now one month old.  It is unbelievable how quickly the time goes.  Someone once told me that as you get older the days are long but the years are short.  I have found myself repeating this many times as it rings so true to me.  As I sit here, in my pajamas, listening to you sleep in your swing, while I watch some weird crime drama show, I realize more than ever how fleeting these moments are.  However, last night when you were awake for three hours and could not seem to get comfortable, it felt like an eternity.  You are such a lovely baby.  I am in such awe of what a beautiful and calm baby you are.  My pregnancy was not really smooth sailing, with nausea, the stomach flu twice, and with how incredibly uncomfortable I was.  You were so active in utero that I was convinced you would come out throwing punches and that I would never sleep again.  Luckily, you are a pretty good sleeper, in fact you are pretty laid back most of the time.  I am amazed at your ability to know exactly who is holding you, even when your eyes are closed.  Right now you are most content in my arms, but you will let others hold you.  Secretly, I love that you want to be held by me, and I would gladly sit in my pajamas all day long holding you.  Although, sometimes I have to go to the bathroom, so little breaks are nice.

You have had an eventful first month of life.  You came exactly two weeks early, which gave your dad, brother, and I some time with you before visitors started coming to visit.  We had some very generous friends and family bring us food to eat and gifts for you and your brother.  We had luckily tried to prepare before you were born and have frozen meals ready to go.  This worked out so well, we were able to eat well without a lot of work for the first few weeks.  When you were about two weeks old my parents came to visit from Alaska.  This visit was different than all past visits, since we no longer have an extra room in our house for guests (hind sight) they stayed in a hotel during their visit.  This actually worked out nicely, they were able to sleep without waking up to you crying in the middle of the night, and we were able to go to bed early most nights getting as much sleep as possible without feeling badly about going to bed early.

We took a couple shopping trips, went to the zoo, went to the children's museum, spent time with friends and family, ate out at restaurants, and spent a lot of time at home.  I felt much better much sooner this time around, and with a young boy at home felt like we needed to get out of the house.  I am sure this desire also stemmed partially from the unseasonably cool weather we have been having.

I have loved getting to know you and feel that we are quite bonded right now.  You like to be held upright against my chest.  You do not like to be swaddled.  You sleep with your arms beside your head.  You do not like tummy time yet, but we still work on it.  You have a strong neck and want to lift your head often.  You do not like dirty diapers, and will complain with the tiniest amount of wetness or poop in your diaper.  You are a quick nurser, and will nurse many times during the day.  You wake up about two times a night right now, which is great.  We are usually in bed around 9:00 pm and wake up for the day around 7:00 am.  You do not like to be put down much but will sleep in your swing for about an hour and you do sleep well in your bassinet.  You also sleep through everything, including your brother singing to you at the top of his lungs or the dog barking and running around.  I guess you had a lot of time to get used to our noisy life when you were in my belly.  I love the sounds you make when you are content, almost like a humming sound.  Your eyes are getting more focused and you are able to move them together more, instead of going cross eyed.  You kick your legs and move your arms.  You mostly complain if you are hungry or dirty or want to be held. You are growing quickly and are now wearing 3 month clothing.  I am sure that I could squeeze you into newborn clothes still but...you are much more comfortable in the bigger clothes.

This post would not be complete without mentioning your brother.  I was worried before you came that he would be jealous.  It is no secret that he has always been a bit of a mommy's boy.  He and I have always had a special relationship.  I did my best to prepare him for you and for having less of me.  It is hard to know if preparation will work when you are doing it, but you cross your fingers and hope.  Well, in this instance, it worked.  It worked well.  Your brother has transitioned to having a sister so well, so much better than I would have ever expected.  He has embraced you how I hoped and prayed he would.  He loves you.  He adores you.  He wants to know where you are every moment of every day.  He wants to hold you.  He wants to hug you.  He wants to kiss you.  He wants you to sleep in his bed.  I have never been as happy as I am when I see how he beams while he looks at you or holds you while he is sitting on the couch.  I am so happy that you have each other.  I am sure there will be moments in the future when you drive each other crazy, and when you make each other scream.  But right now, his love for you brings me bliss.  I know you will love him just as much someday.  This makes me happy.

I feel much more at ease this time around.  After your brother was born I felt a lot of anxiety and though I understood child development and had been a teacher for many years, I felt like a fish out of water.  This time I have felt much differently.  I don't need to use a changing pad for each diaper change, instead we change you wherever you are.  I haven't stressed about nursing and that has been going well.  I don't worry about how you are developing at every moment of every day, instead I am enjoying the little pudgy, cuddly baby I have in front of me.  I am not nearly as much of a germaphobe this time around, though I do like people to wash hands before they touch you...for a while longer.  I am more calm, and much happier.  You have made us into a family of four and I have never felt more like the person I am supposed to be.  I am supposed to be surrounded by children, and I feel lucky to be your mom.

Love,

Your adoring Mom

newborn photo (5 days old)

1 month old already!

He loves her...she is not always as sure!


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